No pearls on the necklace

I will learn to detach. 

I think I already am. 

Learning to detach is not a facade , it is a sentiment that is real, alive and penetrating.

Detaching yourself does not mean you don't let the experience run through your blood.

You let it flow through the map of your entire body and then, engraved into your soul.

If you hold back to these emotions, if you don't allow them to kill you a little (little could be fallacious), you can never be detached. 

Because, maybe, you are just too afraid of being afraid. 

So my dear feel what pain is feel what grief is feel what endearment is. 

The last step is to always recognize the emotion and now, you must calmly slowly bravely, detach yourself from that emotion.

A note to myself, a note to my darling girl that is trying to be brave and a note to my readers that are trying to detach.

A.T. 

22/12/2014

The arrival

Through the flower bloom scenery 

She submarines

The thorns on the stems wrapped her feeble feet 

Before the gloominess sinks in 

Constricts her throat with blood ripped teeth 

Swept her off the island's sacred story 

She never finds her bearings

No one ever sees

But she could hear her miniature lungs 

Slowly depleting

In relation with flowers and trees intertwined with the most subtle emotion of a human being.

A.T.

2/12/2014

Playground

  In the hollow darkness, I ran and ran and I ran with lungs that never stop its cycle of contracting.

  Along the way I found a shadow of myself -- A past self and a small figure with gleaming eyes which within lies a pure heart full of gold.

  I kept running so that I could time travel.I landed at the playground in front of my house ;  The venue a generation of eager adolescents rule as their kingdom. At that time, I was the loyal one in the colony. 

  Traveling miles and miles behind:

  The sand turned into rubber.

  The swings turned into grass. 

  The wooden structure turned plastic. 

  The statue of cupids and angels turned      into concrete.

  And I turned into a girl that longed for the past but is strangled by rigid roots that tried to shape me into a socially desirable stereotype.

 It felt like winter , the kind of bittersweet winter that crushed on all the things I once had. 

  A creature loomed in and let out a repetitive howl.

 I stood up and followed the hustles.

The edge

(A short write-up of my encounter during a recent morning run at a warm calming nature reserve)

I sat by the edge of the lake and I could get addicted to staring at the greenery all day. Whilst, I gradually drown into all kinds of complex thoughts, a labyrinth and then weird apparitions. Yet all at once I felt like I am who i am and  i am doing what I think I should do. And all things came into place like a map with lost countries/continents being replaced and at that moment I finally felt that I am truly alive. 

The wind gently blow past me and I thought of how my father would use to hold my miniature hand and I would throw pebbles into the lake. After so many years of confinement I am back here again, grown stronger I hope. 

The wind blew past me again, a little harsher this time.

 My eyes told me a new story.

7/10/2014

A.T.

An execution

Girl,

 you are just a child. 

And A heartbreak. 

Being brave, 

but being bravely understated.

Because they were all lying and lying.

Girl ,

this is nothing, nothing at all. 

Conceal

Do I pretend that,

I have conceded to the idea.

Or do I entirely, 

tell myself to let go.

Oh you did it again.

Faces

"He never looked nice.

He looked like art and art wasn't supposed to look nice, it was supposed to make you feel something."

Hollow spaces

Maybe it's trying or in time 

 

And I need something 

To fill in these secluded dilapidated spaces

I need -- 

Speed in my veins 

    Tar on my lungs 

Smoke in my throat 

   Blood on my hands

Selective types of hollow apparitions, 

to get rid of the ghosts in my heart.

xx,

Mood: listen to winter, by daughter.

She never know

(Late night thoughts of admiration for  beautifully sculptured women and their indifference of the beauty they held within.)

She doesn't know :

She writes and speak of only words, forming sentences that dances through the mist and fades through meadows as smooth as the nature of flow. 

She doesn't know, she doesn't know.

And unknowingly ,she brings these words to her familiar shelter--That the number of affections she was showered with are offered without a beg and took a lifetime of a deranged soul to achieve. 

She doesn't know. She doesn't know. 

Blessed with the world's diamonds and gold. A nicely almost perfectly dimensional body curves and a face of the sunrays which could melt the gold liquid heart and stop the blood from running through the veins of the boys.

Yet she doesn't know, she doesn't know. 

And all of my words all of my voice and all of me could not manipulate could not reach out to the skylines of hers.

She doesn't know, she doesn't know.

To understand the jems and rich luscious pretty things one can hold is the simplest yet most contradictory theory to master.  But I have figured from the start and yet she who dreamt of the moon and stars --

she doesn't know, she doesn't know.

While I continue and caught up with the branches, reaching out to keep myself rooted in my melancholy. I thought I knew of the revolutions of the earth and that in our solar 
system there's 9
 planets, 204 countries,
809 islands, 7 seas. 

A complexity of the self-consumed human mind where thoughts comes in waves; Tonight I'm drowning.

She never know, she never know.

xx,

'Untouchable'

Envision

Sunny

You can probably guess who's that sweetie who helped me with this haha love you hunnybunz <3

Outfit:

Pencil skirt -topshop

Striped pullover-Lowry's farm

Gold chain-lovisa

xx

Sweethearts

Thank you girls for the crazy night. At least I know I have you girls to support me and always listen to what I have to say (tho I took an hour just to explain one story). I believe it's the infinity we share that brought us four close together. I really really like how we can blurt out everything especially in capitals about our problems or stories and we will be there providing for each others' needs. Maybe in another ten years, we would all be having tea at a pretty classy restaurant and talking out about marriage, no longer the single ladies club hehe. But for now I hope that you girls will continue to study hard and excel and to be the best part of yourselves. Oh and remember whoever gets a boyfriend first will be ostracized so badly in the group chat alright hahaha 

Alright , I love you girls. 

Stay gorgeous my ladies.

xx,

SLC baes