White blood

I'm ready to go 

Can't do it alone 

Can't do it alone

I'm ready to climb 

This mountain inside 

Impossible heights

Can't do it alone 

I'm ready to run

Through the heat of the sun

I'm ready to hope,

Swing me out of the low 

Wide awake in the glow,

Can't do it alone.

Im ready to fly,

Uncover the light 

I'm ready to fall,

So tired of it all

Down deep in a hole 

Can't do it alone.

Impossible heights,

Who will be my white blood?

Can't do it alone.

-oh wonder prose

11.37pm

Blades

You were probably someone that I crave but I don't actually need. 

You gave me words that lingers in the galaxies within me.

And so I was Naive to think I could love you in ways nobody else would. 

But you never understood me.

Because you never try to understand me.

You were never in unison with me.

You never were.

A.T.

...

Having opened the letter, I am feeling so terrible.

Every single part of me is.

I really really need an embrace right now. 

This is not the first time.

It's so painful.

It's so unbearable.

I cannot take control. 

I can't do this anymore.

I swear, fuck.

But I'm bleeding and it won't stop 

Tender

I am always dreaming of sunlit skies

And Somedays,

He was like the skies 

Malicious yet tender 

Excruciating yet delicate 

His name,

As common as he is rare 

As simple as he is complexed  

As easy as he is tormenting 

I cringe,

For it starts with a dilemma 

And ends with a swinge

Everytime,

I laugh at myself 

For being a fool 

Of getting too close to a labyrinth.

A.T. 

State of mind

When the skies are pink and blue and my heart has all the words it wants to spill.

Lately, I have been missing out on many things. And one of the things is keeping in touch with my realest feeling of staying contented.

 

I'm either stagnant or I'm moving backwards. And I am still confused about what to feel if I have to leave. Maybe confused is not a word to show intensity, I feel miserable. I can't stop having flashes of all the things I could have done right here right now. All the faces that left an imprint in my head, all the eyes that talked to me and all the landscapes that pulled my heartstrings. 

They are all in my mind.

I understand that they told me to be brave so I did find panaceas. But I am trying so hard every single night I hate I'm still collapsing. I try to mask myself in the morning but it falls off in the night. I have no control over my tears, maybe I need the alcohol running in my blood. And I don't think anybody knows what it is like to feel the way I feel. 

It's 2am. There comes the spirits in my head that never go. They are always here, right inside of me, crashing waves at 2am. 

Put me to sleep

I want to stop feeling 

I want to stop crying 

I want to dream of sunlit skies.

A.T.

Thin lines

Lately life is becoming a blur.

But you need to find your bearing.

 

And you mustn't be dictated. 

For you will only achieve one skill: self-destruction

Escape to your hideout-- Hunting down Skylines and exotic landscapes 

To unravel your blur lines

To elevate your soul above 

xx, 

A.T.

19/5/2016

I will find my bearing I promise

Head and Heart

I didn't want to think of it 

and

I didn't want to lose myself 

but

I have no control of my own systems. 

I should really start understanding myself. 

Let myself know I can embrace a person, only when I'm ready to not 

feel vulnerable again. 

xx,

A.T.